Quiet

I was amazed when I read in The Economist that silent reading (of manuscripts) was discovered as a possibility, (only) a little before 400 A.D.

"Ambrose of Milan, a Latin writer who was well known in Ireland, impressed Augustine of Hippo with his quiet perusal of a text."

How we take the written word for granted! More so, its quietly read cousin.

Affluence

Somewhere in between two dreams during a comfortable afternoon nap, an interesting thought occurred to me. How do the truly needy cope with the torture that must be, walking through Christmas malls of commerce's latest unaffordable trinkets?

Then, I thought about how I deal with the idea that I will possibly never be able to afford a Ferrari (to pick a symbolic modern trinket). That is when I realised that I already have, or can continue to hope to have, all that I truly need. The wants are not capable of torture.

Why is the climb up Mt. Maslow increasingly onerous as we gain altitude? Do we struggle to breathe comfortably in the rarified haze where needs meld with wants? Or, is it because those needs won't be met by accumulating more of the same?

As a side, I would never want to be "able" to afford the $200,000 wall-clock peddled in a corner store on the top floor of ION Orchard, as that might just tip me over a kind of moral precipice.

Fame

What kind of fame would work for me?

No Time Person of the Year.

Not a profile in Bloomberg BusinessWeek about how I run 4 miles every morning on the way to running my corporation.

A simple obituary in the back of the Economist would do just fine - about how I pottered about in my little corner of the world, until kingdom come.

Poison

I am at a First Aid training workshop. We just watched a heart attack video. Scary. Especially in the context of my latest cholesterol results.

The plumbing needs some cleanup. And, it can't afford any more trash. It is a good thing we have started on a plan of diet and exercise. It's a blessing that I don't eat meat, don't smoke and rarely drink.

It's time to wean myself off the poison that is fatty food.

Suspension

I had this really amazing experience yesterday afternoon. After a cup of tea, I was stretched half asleep on the couch, with the fan doing its bit. And, she played the piano. Her finger-magic had me hanging in mid-space, lifted by elation and weighed down by contentment. Eyes closed, senses wide open.

Bliss

Sipping a tea, waiting for the wife to finish work, right in the centre of this part of the known universe - Starbucks outside City Hall MRT station. Reading an article in the Economist on happiness and the human life. Contemplating own satisfactory level of happiness (touchwood) while sniffing for the unmistakable scent of change. Sending wisecrack SMSes to distant close friend. Taking in the world as it passes by. In a Christmas hurry.

Exasperation

She is exasperated. It is not pleasant. And, certainly not healthy.

I pray for relief.

Angst

I was looking up Angst in the dictionary.

n 2. (Philosophy) (in Existentialist philosophy) the dread caused by man's awareness that his future is not determined but must be freely chosen.

Sure thing.

Journey

Suddenly, I am excited about this trip. I think I should keep writing about progress, so I can retrace my steps with the same excitement. And, I love to write.

What does the destination look like?
- I love my work and am proud of it, and it makes me happy.
- I believe in myself and my ability to be all that I want to be.
- My prospects look bright.
- I am making a contribution to the business of sustainable energy.

I have taken some baby steps:
- I have completed the Flower Exercise and am writing down my story.
- I have updated my resume and put it out there. The calls are coming in, almost one every week, which is welcome encouragement. Yet, they have all been in areas close to my current work – business development roles in industrial gases and oil & gas logistics. I have attended two interviews. One went promisingly well, and bolstered my self-confidence no end. I loved what I sounded like and what I heard. Like the sound of a racecar engine warming up for the track. The other one has shut me out for all practical purposes. A couple of others have shown interest, only to step back. Practice laps always help.
- I am looking at some roles in the energy finance space. I will submit some honest applications, and keep looking for more such roles.
- I am revving up the network machine. I am reconnecting with some of my peers, and listing out the senior others who can possibly link me up to more others.
- I have set myself two simple goals, so as not to lose momentum – 1. At least one pan warm on the stove at all times 2. Out of here by June 2011.
- I feel good and am determined to relentlessly take this all the way.
- I am constantly speaking to others who feel passionate about similar change. I wish to remain infected.

Little by little, we will get there.

This one is for reading on the day the sun refuses to shine.

Reality

Two birds in the bush are just that – two birds in the bush.

Let me not count them.

Needed – more birds and more bush.

Mistakes

Last monthly thought for the year, from my humble desk calendar:

"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything." - Edward Phelps.

Good-bye little fountain of thoughts.

Motion

That familiar feeling is back again, of being on the move. That, I will take for progress. Anyway, recap.

New Zealand was awesome. A perfect trip. Bungee. Diwali fireworks on a Queenstown paddock. And, much more.

Four more days, and we will be married a year. It has been nothing short of absolutely special. Yet, I will be spending the day alone.

Christmas is here. So is our nicely decorated Christmas tree. We are looking forward to our first Christmas party.

Work meanders along. I am quietly resigned to a job that is without prospects and without challenge. To be honest, it is interesting work. Yet, pointless. At least, I am convinced it will be nothing beyond the short term. You cannot be frustrated about not getting what you do not want.

The struggle of August 4 seems to be alive and well. Much to my pleasant surprise. Let us try to keep that fire burning.

I now have a list of companies. It has taken me 4 months and a career coach to get to this point. I completed the Flower exercise. I found out so much more about myself.

The MBA applications have received a full stop. Two years too precious. I hope I do not regret it. In fact, I don't feel the painful pangs of disinterest anymore. She is applying, by the way. I pray that she succeeds.

My resume has found its way into the hands of headhunters. 1. The economy is back, and so are the calls. 2. The Shell logo is good for a few interviews. 3. Do I really want Business Development roles in Soxal or Vopak? Let us see how they'll pay and how badly they need me.

For a brief afternoon, we considered buying our own place. We still might.

The marathon is not going to happen.

2010 is drawing to a close. A different kind of year, I would say.

2011 is full of exciting promise. The promise of change. Of motion.